With my body in the present, and my mind in the clouds, I suddenly realised that I do not want things to stay the same. I want things to change. I want to change.
-If I don’t start doing it today, why would I start tomorrow?-
This was a big hurdle for me to overcome. Throughout my life I always walked around with the idea in my mind that “things will happen one day”, or “I won’t do it now because I know it will happen at some stage”. For me personally, it took a long time to realise that tomorrow starts today. I know that it’s a cliché, but in my mind I was so used to putting my future off that I never did anything towards changing my present.
This was the stage when I realised that if I don’t start doing it today, why would I start tomorrow?” If I don’t start now, things will stay the same. That really made me think: Do I want my life to stay the same? Even if I’m ok with how my life is now, for how long will this be enough? And does the mere fact that I’m thinking these thoughts not already tell me that I don’t want things to stay the same any longer?
-Some things change, and some things stay the same. I decided that I do not want things to stay the same, that I want change-
Change is not an easy thing. I can only speak for myself. And for me, it was a very hard, and a long process. I always thought that I was patient and content, and that this was the reason why I never did anything about my plans, all these ideas in my mind of how my future will be and how I’m certain that I don’t have to worry because “of course it will work out”... I never saw the connection between my present and my future, because my future was only an idea, and not a step by step reality I was working towards. Not a reality I am living.
My present was becoming my past, and not my future, A place where the future was similar to watching an episode of my favourite TV show; I turn on the TV and while I’m watching, I forget about the present and get transported to a place where I do not have to think or do anything. Until the episode is finished. And then I realise: I’m still here, on my couch, in the now, and that more time has passed, and that the only change happening was that I got older. The future was still just imagination, and only in my mind.
-The time lost thinking about future, not doing anything about it woke me up and made me see that I need to change my present to start creating the future I saw in my thoughts-
Doing is hard if one is not used to it. It takes determination, conviction, effort…and this is just to get started. Practicing doing then is even harder. It takes patience, realistic expectations, awareness…until the practice becomes habit, and then more practice, and more patience.
