The Start - Two sides of the same coin.

As we go through life - from birth to death, we go through a number of 
developmental stages. We usually start to become aware of this as we 
become conscious of our own thoughts and thinking process. 
This is when we start to ask questions like:

“Who am I? What am I? How did I get here? Am I happy? 
What do I want? How can I change things?”  

We ask these questions because we have developed enough as 
individuals to realize that we have some degree of control of our own lives
 and destinies. 
It is only natural to try and make sense of our lives. This can be very difficult 
because we usually end up lost between the thoughts we think we should have, 
and the thoughts we think shouldn’t have. This is a natural process we all 
experience. In order to not get lost in all the turmoil and confusion going through 
our thoughts, we can learn that being aware of our thoughts, 
can teach us how to accept ourselves.

Acceptance is where it all starts

The first step is accepting that there is a light, and a dark side within us all. 
A good me, 
and a bad me.

During some stage or another, we all experience that dark and depressed 
force inside us. 
It usually feels like it’s trying to take over or drag us down. The truth is that we 
all have this inside us, a good me, and a bad me. 
In order to become more balanced,
 we must learn to accept that both sides are part of us. 
Like the two sides of the same coin.

Don’t worry

This is only your “self” trying to tell you that it’s time for you to begin 
examining yourself more. At this stage it is important to remember to 
try and not control or guide your thoughts. However bad and negative they 
might seem, we need to start looking at them so that we can learn what they 
want to teach us. It is a case of breaking normal thought patterns.

Instead of ignoring or pushing aside certain thoughts when they arise, 
think of it as another part of you, trying to tell you that it needs 
your attention as well, that this is also important.

Remember, we do not have to react physically to these thoughts.

Our thoughts do not have to influence our behavior. 
We can also just be aware of them. 
Negative thoughts causes distress and pain because they are 
not being acknowledged. Once we acknowledge and accept this, 
we automatically open up space inside ourselves 
to experience more of life.

The fact that we classify thoughts into either good or bad,
means that without even knowing the true reason these thoughts 
are in our minds, we end up identifying them into something 
they might not be. We have become used to not allowing ourselves to 
think certain things because we convince ourselves 
that they are bad and wrong. 
It is very natural to have negative thoughts or feelings, 
just like it is natural that we 
have positive and good thoughts and feelings.

Just let your thoughts flow through your mind, sit and look at them.

They will tell you what they are and why they are there. 
If we don’t judge our thoughts, we do not classify them. 
This gives them the opportunity to just be, which creates an 
awareness of the actual underlying reasons as to why we might be 
experiencing these thoughts in the first place.

The path that we’re on now is one of self discovery. 
A path that isn’t only influenced by 
where we physically are and what we have experienced, 
but also by how much we learn to
let go of the control over our thoughts and feelings.

All the thoughts and feelings we fight against are part of us. 
They can help us find that quiet place, 
there where we are at peace, 
where we are balanced.

When I realised that my future might never happen:

With my body in the present, and my mind in the clouds, I suddenly realised that I do not want things to stay the same. I want things to change. I want to change.  

-If I don’t start doing it today, why would I start tomorrow?- 

This was a big hurdle for me to overcome. Throughout my life I always walked around with the idea in my mind that “things will happen one day”, or “I won’t do it now because I know it will happen at some stage”. For me personally, it took a long time to realise that tomorrow starts today. I know that it’s a cliché, but in my mind I was so used to putting my future off that I never did anything towards changing my present.

This was the stage when I realised that if I don’t start doing it today, why would I start tomorrow?” If I don’t start now, things will stay the same. That really made me think: Do I want my life to stay the same? Even if I’m ok with how my life is now, for how long will this be enough? And does the mere fact that I’m thinking these thoughts not already tell me that I don’t want things to stay the same any longer?

 -Some things change, and some things stay the same. I decided that I do not want things to stay the same, that I want change- 

Change is not an easy thing. I can only speak for myself. And for me, it was a very hard, and a long process. I always thought that I was patient and content, and that this was the reason why I never did anything about my plans, all these ideas in my mind of how my future will be and how I’m certain that I don’t have to worry because “of course it will work out”... I never saw the connection between my present and my future, because my future was only an idea, and not a step by step reality I was working towards. Not a reality I am living.

My present was becoming my past, and not my future, A place where the future was similar to watching an episode of my favourite TV show; I turn on the TV and while I’m watching, I forget about the present and get transported to a place where I do not have to think or do anything. Until the episode is finished. And then I realise: I’m still here, on my couch, in the now, and that more time has passed, and that the only change happening was that I got older. The future was still just imagination, and only in my mind.  

-The time lost thinking about future, not doing anything about it woke me up and made me see that I need to change my present to start creating the future I saw in my thoughts- 

Doing is hard if one is not used to it. It takes determination, conviction, effort…and this is just to get started. Practicing doing then is even harder. It takes patience, realistic expectations, awareness…until the practice becomes habit, and then more practice, and more patience.